(With acknowledgement to URL: http://www.jokes-4-you.com. I added the
last one on Malaysians.)
TAOISM: Shit happens.
happens, it isn't really shit.
ZEN: What is the sound of shit happening?
And, if shit falls in the woods, does it make a sound?
This shit happened before.
ISLAM: If shit happens, it is the will of
ISLAM II: If shit happens, kill the person(s) responsible.
SHI'ITE ISLAM:Shit must happen to Salmon Rushdie
Confucius says "shit happens."
PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone
CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserved it.
Why does shit always happen to us?
BAHA'I: Shit happens to everyone
KRISHNA: Shit happens, shit happens, happens, happens, shit,
VEDANTA: Shit happening is an illusion.
MORMON: 10% of my
shit belongs to God.
CELTIC FOLKLORE: At the end of every rainbow is a
pot of shit.
EARLY EGYPTIAN: Shit happens, the world is a microcosm of
therefore, the universe is shit.
SCIENTOLOGY: Shit can
happen to you too.
TRANSACTIONAL ANALYST: I acknowledge my shit, and
ATHEISM: Shit happens, therefore, there is no God.
AGNOSTICISM: Shit may or may not happen.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: It's
not shit, and it's not happening.
SOLOPSISM: If there is no shit, it
EXISTENTIALISM: So shit happens.
DECONSTRUCTIONALISM: What makes you think that's shit?
That's the best damn shit that ever happened.
PESSIMISM: It's all shit.
SHAMANISM: Shit is a fertilizer.
POLLYANNA: Where there is shit,
there is life.
RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this shit.
HUMANISM: Shit evolves.
FUNDAMENTALISM: Born-again shit.
AGE: If shit happens, honor and share it.
ORAL ROBERTS: Send me money or
shit will happen.
RICHARD NIXON: I am not shit.
RONALD REAGAN: I
don't recall shit happening.
HEISENBERG: Shit may happen and it may not.
CLARENCE THOMAS: Shit happened to me once, but I express regret.
DECARTES:1. Shit happens, therefore I am.
2. I am, therefore shit
3. Cogito ergo defecato.
AA: Deal with shit one day at a
POLITICALLY CORRECTIONALISM: Defecated matter occurs.
N.O.R.M.L: Like gee, have ever looked really closely at a shit?
NAT'L RIFLE ASS'N: Shit doesn't happen, people do.
Why does shit happen? See page 157 in Dianetics.
SHAKESPERE: To "pu" or
not to "pu", that is the question.
LOGICIANS (Thanks to Usama Malik) : Is this shit sound and
MATHEMATICIANS (Thanks to
Aleksandar Ignjatovic): Is this shit
continuous? Is this shit everywhere dense?
MALAYSIANS (No thanks to Norman!): Oh shit! Who did
we not bribe enough?
ENGINEERS (Thanks to Harvey Tuch): How to make this shit (work)?
RADIO ASTRONOMERS (Thanks to Ric L Forster): Background noise is
EINSTEIN (Thanks to Ric L Forster): Time dilates all shit.